Listening is often seen as a weak way of influencing others. It can be as strong as the most assertive behaviour. It is similar to not taking the bait and entering into a useless argument. It is not strong to respond to a baiting comment. It is strong to resist this primal urge.
A simple way of resisting the urge to fight back verbally is to ask questions or actively listen when pressured instead of fighting back or becoming sternly silent. By actively listen, I mean to paraphrase what has been said in your own words to prove that you have been listening. Be careful of your tone or facial expression as any hint of aggression or sarcasm with make matters worse.
So try this next time you are pressured by others.
- Breathe in
- Pause
- Ask an question
- Confirm that you have understood the answer e.g. ‘So you are too busy to help me today.’
- Ask another question e.g. ‘When do you think you will have the time to help me?’
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