Paddy Spruce | Award winning Speaker, Training Facilitator, MC and Coach

Confident Public Speaking

Personal Development

Behaving on Purpose

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Do we really have the choice of how we behave? Can we decide how to respond or is it mostly automatic? Can we decide not to react?  Obviously some people can and some seem to have real difficulty controlling their reactions.

It can be described as fast thinking or slow thinking. It does seem possible for some people to choose their response. Surely, this choice must be available to most people.

There are two steps to having more choice.

The first is to be more aware of everything. To step back from getting caught up in emotions and thoughts and being driven by them. They are both wonderful abilities but they are abilities. They are not us and they don’t tell us what to do. They like to tell us what to do but we can choose to listen to them. ‘Thanks for the warning”.

The second step is to pause even for a nanosecond when strong feelings or thoughts arise or arrive. If we pause, we have more choice. No pause. No choice. A pause before responding can make  a difference between saying what will make a positive contribution and making a situation much worse.

Try counting to three before responding to any question or situation. Of course, in a life threatening situation you might need to act instantly but even then a slight pause might help you make a better decision.

Try pausing for a week. Reflect before responding. Be more aware of everything. Notice your thoughts and feelings as if they aren’t you but something that you engage in. Use them but don’t let them use you.

Mindfulness, emotional intelligence, situational awareness.

Paddy Spruce

03 9808 8990

THE VALUE OF VALUES

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I hope I don’t mix my metaphor here but imagine that you are on a yacht and know exactly where you want to go… but there is no wind.  Or imagine that there is a strong wind and you don’t know where you want to go.

A lot is written about goals and little about values. In my metaphor, the goals are where you want to go and the wind is your motivation, your values. You can do your goals. You can achieve them and then move to other goals. Sometimes there is a pause between goals. You can’t achieve values.

You can’t achieve honesty and then move to another value. Values provide motivation forever. Values are the wind that fills your sails. Decide on your values before deciding on your goals.
Authenticity, Challenge, Honesty, Compassion, Generosity, Industry, Acceptance, Responsibility and Humility are just some important values that will provide life long motivation.

Specific and temporary direction will come from goals like:

* Improve your health by eating healthily
* Further your qualifications
* Earn more money
* Get a new car, house, computer

It’s back to front to set your goals in a values vacuum. The motivation will cease after the goal is achieved, if it is achieved at all. The values will provide the motivation in between goals and even provide direction without goals.

As for goals, we can just see what happens as a source of goals or create some of our own. We can identify what we want to achieve in 2011 and move to quantifiable goals. How will you measure improving health? Which qualification and by when?

How much more money in 2011?

Imagine that you have a family crest with three values written within the crest. What are they?  Why not share it here with me?

Unreliably happy?

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Have you noticed how unreliable your memory is when it comes to remembering how happy you were or how happy you might be in the future. Do you think that something will make you happy but find afterward that it wasn’t as rewarding as you predicted? Another car, a larger TV, a new relationship.

Firstly, we adapt quickly to most things so the effect doesn’t last as long as expected because we forget about the adaptation. ‘This will make me happy for a long time’. It won’t. ‘If I just lose five kilos”. Usually the anticipation is more about excitement. The actual effect of achieving can be less rewarding and not last as long as we thought and we keep forgetting this.  Did you really think that a new anything would bring lasting happiness?

The most reliable way of know what will bring you happiness is to speak to someone that has done what you intend to do or owns something that you intend to buy.  Most people discount this because ‘we are all different’.  We aren’t really.  Our ego wants us to be unique and very different from everyone else.  We aren’t.

Speak to someone who has done what you intend some months after they have done it and you will get a more accurate idea of what brings happiness. Most people think that they are above average at most things. Above average at driving, above average intelligence, above average looks. This can’t be right can it?

A Time for Weing

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Now is a great time for weing. We before Me.

People are fearful and shrinking at the moment. Organisations are maintaining rather than growing. Some are shedding staff, cutting costs postponing development opportunities for their staff.

The result of this is that more needs to be done with less. Fewer people, same number of customers and rising customer expectations.

The answer lies in high performing teams. Genuine teams not work groups called teams. A team of four or five can do the work of many more individuals providing they have a common purpose, shared values, competent leadership and a system that works. A crisis can push people to become stronger teams or fragment them.

The big jump is to put We before Me. It seems unnatural to put the needs of others before your own but essential for the development of a true team. Strangely, the best way of looking after yourself is to look after others. A big ego will make it hard for anyone to trust others. There is an ingrained belief that the only person who can do anything properly is ME. In truth, the best person to do anything properly is WE.

Try WE before ME after reading this blog. Identify ways that you can develop your work group into a true team that works as a strong unit. Greek mythology developed the idea of one individual saving the situation. He and it was always He, pushed incompetent groups aside and saved the world on his own. This Hero is a myth. It takes teams to achieve anything worthwhile. Any outstanding individuals are supported by teams.

We before Me.

How to make the most of bad times.

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If you believe that this present financial situation is permanent, your best options are to cut back or complain. Cutting back on everything will help you deal with the tightening of the economy. Complaining will get you some sympathy.

If you believe that the present financial situation is temporary, your best option is to prepare for the upturn so you are not caught napping.

The Australian Institute of Management has just completed a survey based on the input of over five hundred Australian business leaders.

Seventy one percent said that the downturn is a good opportunity to build market share while their competitors are in retreat. Fifty nine  percent indicated that retention of skilled employees needs to be a top priority.

So if you believe that our business leaders can predict the future, we have an opportunity to develop our people, improve our performance and be ready for the upturn in the economy. We can choose to be driven by fear or hope. History indicates that the downturn is temporary.

So…what can you do to develop and train your people? What can you do to help your clients? How can you help them to focus on an inevitable improvement in the financial situation? What can you do to get them thinking optimistically again?

Fear makes cowards of us all. Hope and optimism makes us brave. Decide not to participate in this temporary downturn.

Give yourself the present this Christmas

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What is a wonderful gift that your friends would appreciate and would also help you to enjoy yourself and get rid of the financial crisis blues?

This miraculous gift is… the present.

Give yourself the present this Christmas.

If you live in the past or the future, try visiting the present. The financial crisis evaporates because nothing is happening to threaten your financial security… at this moment. Also if you have a problem with managing fear in interpersonal situations or speaking in public, then focusing on the present will stop you from creating more fear by projecting into the future, which is not happening.

Imagine that you are in a lift and it stops between floors. You could project into the future and imagine all sorts of dreadful consequences. Or you could visit the past and recall even more dreadful situations that have come from a stalled lift in the past. If you stay in the present, you are simply in a stalled lift. You can either stay with the present internally and keep track of your breathing or go external and focus on what is happening outside.

Read the instructions for a stalled lift or just count the tiles on the floor. Just stay in the present. You will only get anxious if you think about a negative future consequence.

There are lots of wonderful emotions available in the present. There are no emotions in the past or the future. You can only feel in the present. You can only think in the present. Even if something goes wrong for you, you simply accept the present situation and plan a way out without catastrophising.

So a gift for yourself this Christmas is to consciously stay in the present as much a possible.

Listen to others, enjoy your food, feel how you are feeling, see what you are seeing and don’t wander off into other worlds from the past or future. If you do wander, come back quickly.

Try taking off your watch so you can stay in the present without a constant reminder of what time it is. A gift for others is to give them your full attention without any thoughts about what they are saying. They will take your full and undivided attention as a compliment, a Christmas present. Your friends and family will notice the difference. If they don’t, you have lost the present.

I wish you a wonderful Christmas and my present to you is the present. Enjoy it. It’s all you’ve got.

Christmas Greetings

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