Paddy Spruce | Confident Public Speaking

Confident Public Speaking

Influencing & Negotiating skills

Behaving on Purpose

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Do we really have the choice of how we behave? Can we decide how to respond or is it mostly automatic? Can we decide not to react?  Obviously some people can and some seem to have real difficulty controlling their reactions.

It can be described as fast thinking or slow thinking. It does seem possible for some people to choose their response. Surely, this choice must be available to most people.

There are two steps to having more choice.

The first is to be more aware of everything. To step back from getting caught up in emotions and thoughts and being driven by them. They are both wonderful abilities but they are abilities. They are not us and they don’t tell us what to do. They like to tell us what to do but we can choose to listen to them. ‘Thanks for the warning”.

The second step is to pause even for a nanosecond when strong feelings or thoughts arise or arrive. If we pause, we have more choice. No pause. No choice. A pause before responding can make  a difference between saying what will make a positive contribution and making a situation much worse.

Try counting to three before responding to any question or situation. Of course, in a life threatening situation you might need to act instantly but even then a slight pause might help you make a better decision.

Try pausing for a week. Reflect before responding. Be more aware of everything. Notice your thoughts and feelings as if they aren’t you but something that you engage in. Use them but don’t let them use you.

Mindfulness, emotional intelligence, situational awareness.

Paddy Spruce

03 9808 8990

Don’t ask questions unless…

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You know the answer! Bit cynical don’t you think?

If you know the answer, why bother unless you are trying to trap someone or test their honesty.

A good place to come from is curiosity. You ask because you want to learn. You ask because you don’t know the answer. Keep your mind blank while waiting for the answer. Stop thinking. Thinking is not necessary. If you are judging what you are hearing while you are hearing… you are not really listening. You are getting ahead. Stay fully aware but just stop thinking. There is time after the person has finished speaking.

Careful that you use open questions mostly if you want a flow of information. How, when, where, what, who and maybe why. Closed questions lead nowhere except to a yes or no. There is no flow.

Try these questions for practice. What can I do to support you more? How can I be a better manager/team leader? What can I do to improve morale? Where do you think we can improve? What do I need to do to be a better parent?

Don’t think while the person is answering. Just be aware of what they are saying. No judgement. No labels.

The importance of starting well

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It seems that our brain is hard wired to make first impressions in an instant. This means that if you are presenting to a group, you have seconds to get them onside… emotionally. If you are successful, they will listen with an open mind and are open to persuasion, logically. You information will have impact. If they decide that you are not trustworthy or reliable, anything you say from this point is wasted. The door has shut. Any information is rejected. It’s a bit like writing off a speaker because you have heard something negative about their private lives. Their information, although potentially very valuable, is rejected.
I remember my father telling me not to buy a Japanese car because of his war time experiences.
So, take care when starting. Be polite. Express your gratitude. Be personal. Be humble. Be authentic. Start with a story that makes a point. Most people’s defences don’t work against a story. They will let you finish the story.
By the way, if you’re reading this by email, make sure you pop back to the new look site to have a look!
Regards
Paddy Spruce.

Are you certain?

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I recently went to the mind/spirit exhibition and watch people queue to see psychics.

I suspect that many visit a psychic to get more certainty. It is very important to some people that they can be certain about some things.

If you ever get a hint that certainty is important to someone, make sure you respect this need. Reassure them that you will deliver what you promised. If you tell them you will call later in the day, make sure you do.

Imagine the effect of telling someone who liked certainty that you would personally deliver an important document or order on the same day… and you did. Some people like guarantees, assurances, promises. They seek certainty in a world where little is certain. It is probably a remnant of our very old brain.

So give people as much certainty as you control. Call them back. Send the email today. Give them what they need in an uncertain world.

Paddy

Are you certain?

by

I recently went to the mind/spirit exhibition and watch people queue to see psychics.

I suspect that many visit a psychic to get more certainty. It is very important to some people that they can be certain about some things. If you ever get a hint that certainty is important to someone, make sure you respect this need. Reassure them that you will deliver what you promised. If you tell them you will call later in the day, make sure you do.

Imagine the effect of telling someone who liked certainty that you would personally deliver an important document or order on the same day…. and you did. Some people like guarantees, assurances, promises. They seek certainty in a world where little is certain. It is probably a remnant of our very old brain. So give people as much certainty as you control. Call them back. Send the email today. Give them what they need in an uncertain world.

The pause that roared

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Sometimes the message is in the pause.

Pauses are meaningful.

If you think that the message is always in the words then the pause is meaningless and you could miss some important messages.

Imagine if you asked someone if they could help you with a project and they paused for ten seconds. If they were excited or enthusiastic about helping you there would be no pause.

I remember being asked in a shop if someone was looking after me. I was the only person in the shop besides the assistant. I paused. Another time I was depositing a small amount of money in my bank and was asked if I was interested in a housing loan. I paused.

If you listen carefully you may be able to paraphrase the pause. ‘Sounds like you have something else on…’. ‘Is that a NO?’

Try pausing yourself before making an important statement. Try pausing before making a commitment to make sure you mean what you are about to say.
Pauses are meaningful. Listen to them.