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Matisse said ‘There are flowers everywhere if you look”. Seems that we can miss a lot if we live in our minds in the past or future. We can rush through what we are doing in the expectation that something better is coming up. We can focus on the destination and miss what happens on the journey. It would be a pity to rush through life in the expectation that a better one is coming. I’d need to see that in writing.

Your mind can project backward and forward and this can be helpful or unhelpful. Any time you spend doing this is time lost in experiencing or enjoying what is actually happening in reality.

A good way to stay in the present is to focus on your senses. They can’t project you backwards or forwards. They are locked into the present. Remember the senses. Taste, touch, smell, hearing and sight. If you focus on one of these and exclude thoughts that may arise, you will be in the present. It is a great place to spend time and is very good for your health. Worry and anxiety can’t live in the present. They need memories or expectations to operate.When people have a problem it is very seldom happening at the moment they are speaking. It is going to happen. Mark Twain said he had many tragedies in his life and that some of them actually happened.

Try spending a few minutes each day focusing on one or more senses without thinking. The more you do it …the more you can do it. Thinking is fine but constant thinking isn’t.

Try it. You have nothing to lose except unpleasant or unhelpful thoughts and finding peace for a few moments.

Stay well

Paddy

So many people want more confidence or less fear. Some want to be fearless. Fear is a warning so fearless is like turning off your fire alarm. It is better to leave the alarm on and live with fear as if it is meant to keep you safe. Now, what if your mind makes some activities seem more dangerous than they really are, like public speaking. Our reaction to public speaking can feel the same as something really dangerous like handling a poisonous snake or repairing your own electrical appliances. Our mind tells us that something is really dangerous and we react. The mind doesn’t differentiate between speaking at a birthday party and sticking a fork in a toaster.

We can live with fear. We can manage it and still perform. We need to treat it as a thought or feeling and recognise that it is trying to help not paralyse. When the fear arises, say to yourself “Thanks for the warning”. You are then in a better position to decide whether what you are about to do is really dangerous or not. Speaking to a group of any size is not dangerous whatever your mind tells you. If you can speak to one person, you can speak to many.

Try a dry run. Imagine yourself about to speak an audience a little larger than is comfortable for you. As you get the warning thought or feeling, say “Thanks for the warning”. Keep breathing. Rinse and repeat. Eventually you will learn that thoughts are merely thoughts. Some are helpful and some are not. Keep the helpful ones. Ask the others to wait in the waiting room.

Fear is good and can be very helpful. You decide whether to heed the warning or not. Fearless is foolish.

Vulnerable is good because it just is. We are all vulnerable. We all make mistakes. Bullet proof and perfect are just silly because they  just aren’t real.  Anybody thinking they don’t make mistakes are kidding themselves and out of touch with reality.

If you admit error or show yourself to be vulnerable you will connect with others. They will see themselves in your admission. Any quality program has the goal of eliminating errors or reducing waste. The quality manager knows that perfection is not attainable. Striving for it is worthwhile and learning from error is part of the process.

So try adding ‘I may be mistaken but I thought we agreed on….’ If you make yourself sound perfect you are very likely to do the ego tango with the other person who is also drawn into certainty.

Nothing is certain and a lot is random and unpredictable. Being vulnerable and imperfect is reality. If you make a mistake, fess up quickly and correct. Pretending it didn’t happen makes correction very difficult. Some of the world’s biggest disasters happened because people were reluctant to admit a mistake. Don’t join them.

Anais Nin wrote….and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.

This is similar to the risk of sleepwalking through life and living in your head instead of being where you are and richly experiencing everything you encounter. It is an extension of woke where you realise that you are filtering your experience through your ego. Thinking that you are separate and superior to others. Constant thinking is an affliction.

Try a day of thinking less and experiencing more without judging what you see and hear. Listen without interrupting or correcting.

Be woke and just be.

Paddy

What’s the risk of replying ‘I don’t know’ when asked a question? The questioner may be miffed that you don’t know something that they expect you to know. No big deal. Pretending that you know is a far greater risk. Nowadays, we are expected to have an opinion on many things – politics, religion, defence, climate change, lockdowns etc. The media feed us with opinions.

Remember that when you don’t know or are ignorant, it is foolish to pretend otherwise. Shakespeare said it differently. If you don’t know the answer or don’t have an opinion, say so. If anyone says ‘ you should know’, you can agree with them. ” You’re right. I should know but I don’t”. Or ” I don’t have enough information to form an opinion yet.” Your ego won’t like admitting that you don’t know everything but will get used to the new, less opinionated you.

The tango is a wonderful dance but you need a partner. The ego dance is not so wonderful but again you need a partner.

Imagine someone tells you that you are mistaken or wrong. First step. You reply energetically ‘I am not wrong. You are’. Step two. Steps three and four can be more energetic. Nobody ends up a winner and it can be entertaining for bystanders especially in a restaurant. If you don’t like doing this dance then don’t take the first step or the second step.

First step ‘You are wrong’.

Instead of joining in the dance, try ‘ How am I wrong?’ or ‘Let’s agree to disagree’. Careful that your ego doesn’t colour your tone.

You can’t do the ego tango with only one ego. Don’t obey yours. You may be able to prove that you are right but you need to prove someone wrong. See if you can cope with someone thinking you are wrong when you know you aren’t. See if you can let them keep their opinion and not react.

Try waltzing where you are more in sync. ‘I would like to understand where you think I am mistaken or wrong’. Your partner steps forward and you step back.