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A Wandering Mind is on the look out for trouble or danger. It is like a guard dog. It is not relaxed. A Focused Mind is just looking at what is happening in front of you and can enjoy itself. Research suggests that a focused mind is more content and happy. So if you are doing something with your full attention you are more likely to be calm and not worried about the past or the future since neither exists in the present. If you have a problem it is unlikely to be happening in the present. Typically it is about what has happened in the past and is coloured with regret. It may also be about something that hasn’t happened yet ( and may never happen ).You can make yourself very anxious thinking about ‘what ifs’. Imagine speaking to an audience and thinking ‘I hope they like me’. Better to focus on what you are saying.

I am not saying that day dreaming is unhelpful. It can be enjoyable if done on purpose. I am saying that your thoughts  will control you and your mood if left to wander and ruminate.

So, try and catch your mind wandering and come back to what is in focus.It could be your breathing. It gets easier with practice. If you are reading and drift off, simply come back to where you left off and read again with full attention.

Practice makes permanent.

Paddy

Have you ever been certain that you have not been told something when someone is equally certain that they told you?

How you retrieve information is very influenced by how you store information. There is a gap between receiving information and storing it in your memory. It is a very short gap. Less than a second. But…if you are distracted between receiving and storing the information it won’t be stored. You won’t remember because it is not in your memory.

Two solutions. Give your full attention when hearing information that you want to remember. Full attention and be very careful that your mind doesn’t wander at this critical moment. Be very careful that your mind doesn’t suggest that the information is not important.

The second solution is to verbally confirm what you are hearing to give you a second chance at storing the information accurately. Repeat back what you are hearing in your own words. Something like….so you are saying that I must bring the original documents to the meeting. Good waiters repeat your order back to you to help their memory.

So…practise repeating back what you are hearing in your own words and practise giving your full attention to anyone speaking to you. And also nudge your wandering mind back to listening attentively when it wanders.

Matisse said ‘There are flowers everywhere if you look”. Seems that we can miss a lot if we live in our minds in the past or future. We can rush through what we are doing in the expectation that something better is coming up. We can focus on the destination and miss what happens on the journey. It would be a pity to rush through life in the expectation that a better one is coming. I’d need to see that in writing.

Your mind can project backward and forward and this can be helpful or unhelpful. Any time you spend doing this is time lost in experiencing or enjoying what is actually happening in reality.

A good way to stay in the present is to focus on your senses. They can’t project you backwards or forwards. They are locked into the present. Remember the senses. Taste, touch, smell, hearing and sight. If you focus on one of these and exclude thoughts that may arise, you will be in the present. It is a great place to spend time and is very good for your health. Worry and anxiety can’t live in the present. They need memories or expectations to operate.When people have a problem it is very seldom happening at the moment they are speaking. It is going to happen. Mark Twain said he had many tragedies in his life and that some of them actually happened.

Try spending a few minutes each day focusing on one or more senses without thinking. The more you do it …the more you can do it. Thinking is fine but constant thinking isn’t.

Try it. You have nothing to lose except unpleasant or unhelpful thoughts and finding peace for a few moments.

Stay well

Paddy

So many people want more confidence or less fear. Some want to be fearless. Fear is a warning so fearless is like turning off your fire alarm. It is better to leave the alarm on and live with fear as if it is meant to keep you safe. Now, what if your mind makes some activities seem more dangerous than they really are, like public speaking. Our reaction to public speaking can feel the same as something really dangerous like handling a poisonous snake or repairing your own electrical appliances. Our mind tells us that something is really dangerous and we react. The mind doesn’t differentiate between speaking at a birthday party and sticking a fork in a toaster.

We can live with fear. We can manage it and still perform. We need to treat it as a thought or feeling and recognise that it is trying to help not paralyse. When the fear arises, say to yourself “Thanks for the warning”. You are then in a better position to decide whether what you are about to do is really dangerous or not. Speaking to a group of any size is not dangerous whatever your mind tells you. If you can speak to one person, you can speak to many.

Try a dry run. Imagine yourself about to speak an audience a little larger than is comfortable for you. As you get the warning thought or feeling, say “Thanks for the warning”. Keep breathing. Rinse and repeat. Eventually you will learn that thoughts are merely thoughts. Some are helpful and some are not. Keep the helpful ones. Ask the others to wait in the waiting room.

Fear is good and can be very helpful. You decide whether to heed the warning or not. Fearless is foolish.

Vulnerable is good because it just is. We are all vulnerable. We all make mistakes. Bullet proof and perfect are just silly because they  just aren’t real.  Anybody thinking they don’t make mistakes are kidding themselves and out of touch with reality.

If you admit error or show yourself to be vulnerable you will connect with others. They will see themselves in your admission. Any quality program has the goal of eliminating errors or reducing waste. The quality manager knows that perfection is not attainable. Striving for it is worthwhile and learning from error is part of the process.

So try adding ‘I may be mistaken but I thought we agreed on….’ If you make yourself sound perfect you are very likely to do the ego tango with the other person who is also drawn into certainty.

Nothing is certain and a lot is random and unpredictable. Being vulnerable and imperfect is reality. If you make a mistake, fess up quickly and correct. Pretending it didn’t happen makes correction very difficult. Some of the world’s biggest disasters happened because people were reluctant to admit a mistake. Don’t join them.

Anais Nin wrote….and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.

This is similar to the risk of sleepwalking through life and living in your head instead of being where you are and richly experiencing everything you encounter. It is an extension of woke where you realise that you are filtering your experience through your ego. Thinking that you are separate and superior to others. Constant thinking is an affliction.

Try a day of thinking less and experiencing more without judging what you see and hear. Listen without interrupting or correcting.

Be woke and just be.

Paddy