Paddy

I have discovered a connection between people who are generous givers and and people who listen more than they talk. The generous people are generous with their resources and give with little expectation of a return. They are happy for the favour to be paid forward. This then spreads into their willingness to let others speak. They see this as an opportunity to understand the needs of others so they can help.  The really patient listeners are very generous with their time. They don’t have a need to speak about themselves. They are curious so they listen. They know what they know and don’t know and are eager to learn.

So be generous and improve your listening. Listen more and become more generous.

Are you a giver or a taker? Adam Grant has written a wonderful book titled ” Give and Take” which I recommend that you read.  Strangely, many successful people are givers and many unsuccessful people are also givers. Grant suggests that the successful ones are able to look after the needs of others generously and also look after their own needs. They are not door mats. They understand the power of giving of their time and energy to support and help others. They also understand that they must look after their own needs and maintain a balance in their lives. Takers need no explanation. You must protect yourself from them. You need firm boundaries or they will deplete your resources. The matchers will work on a quid pro quo basis and measure exactly. Entire countries work in this way. ‘We won’t help them unless they have helped us in the past or are likely to help us in the future’. Ireland takes the prize as a country that helps others without the expectation of a return.

Reflect on your own behaviour in the next few weeks. Try giving generously without the expectation of a return. Don’t keep score. Make sure you are clear about your own goals and values and keep them in mind at the same time.

The word awesome is being seriously overused and losing it’s true meaning. Originally, awe was a sense of being outside of yourself. A sense of being transported. A bit like bliss. Nowadays, everything can be awesome which makes nothing awesome. True awe seems to get rid of barriers between people. Two people looking at a sunset become one person. I caught myself recently outside of myself watching a large tree moving gently in the breeze. Are you getting enough awe? Do you find experiences truly awesome? Try being where you are and be open to experience what is happening with 100% attention. Maybe try in a park or garden first and then try it at work. Macro awe can happen when looking at the stars. Micro awe can happen when looking at an insect up close. Let’s save awe from dying of overuse.

This comes from the same stable as ‘ Become a millionaire by buying a ticket in a lottery’. Some people do win millions. Very few become a success over night. Hard work over many years is not currently fashionable. Also, if you become a success, you have peaked. You were probably a success at birth if you survived and will remain a success until you die. There is a risk that you will settle if you think you have made it. It is downhill once you have reached the top.

So keep up the hard work and don’t expect sudden success. Do the work, enjoy the journey if you can and move to the next goal. Don’t waste your time waiting for success and opportunity to visit you. They are always present. It’s funny that your luck improves the harder you work at your craft.

How can authenticity hinder you from becoming a better YOU? How can being you, hold you back from becoming YOU? Does changing your behaviour, change you? If you are your behaviour or closely identify with your behaviour, then the answer is ‘yes’. If your behaviour is something that the real you does, then the answer is ‘no’.

I am leading up to ‘ fake it until you make it’ as a way of improving your behaviour and confidence. Try new behaviours to get better outcomes and improve relationships. Accept feedback and make the effort to expand your range of behaviours. YOU won’t change. You behaviour will. But, be ready for the thought that ‘this new behaviour doesn’t feel authentic. It doesn’t feel natural. Push through this until the new behaviour feel natural. YOU aren’t changing. Your behaviour is. Your values are closer to the real YOU so be guided by them.

Are you planning to do a New Year’s Resolution?

If it hasn’t worked for you in the past or only lasted a few days, here’s something else you could try.

Goals can be up and down. Up when working towards them and down once they are achieved. There is something else you can focus on that is constant and forever.

Try focusing on values for 2015. Values underpin your thinking and your behaviours.  Before acting you can ask yourself, does this line up with my values?

Values help you decide what is really important. Examples are – honesty, compassion, hard work, helping others, gratitude, respect for others, learning, ambition. Choose two or three.

Finally, ask yourself why you are doing what you are doing. This will help you define your purpose. Are you enjoying your job? Maybe some other job or profession is more aligned with your values and purpose. Act while you still have time.

So this year, clarify your purpose focus on values that are really important to you.

Happy New Year