Paddy Spruce

If there was a place where your past didn’t matter and you had no concerns for the future, would you go there? A place where people would listen to you without judging or jumping ahead of what you are saying. A place where you could be content with what you have without wanting more or better. A place where you could explore your surrounds in detail and maybe even enjoy the small stuff with your senses freed from thinking. Just sensing or feeling without mental interference. Somewhere where time stands still at least for a few moments.

There is such a place. It is now. It is the present. Try visiting.

Imagine if you had lenses that had a bias towards kindness. Imagine if kindness coloured every situation you encountered. You could start the conversation with ‘Is there a reason why you haven’t been able to meet the deadline this month?’ instead of assuming laziness or a lack of professionalism and launching into ‘I am tired of chasing you to meet deadlines… you are on a warning etc.’

Kindness is how we support another’s vulnerability. Kind actions are offered without expectation of anything in return. You are also less likely to get a defensive response. Listening with kind intention is more likely to encourage others to speak up and hide less.

It is not weakness. We show the other person that we care about them and that ourself and their self are connected. We are not so different and certainly not superior. We read so much about how we are all so different in so many ways. Kind intention dissolve this myth.

Try the lenses  of kind intention for a day…or a week.

There was an oracle in Delphos long ago. It was at a Temple. People made appointments and met with the oracle who was a woman. You asked some questions and she made prophecies. She was very popular. There were three requirements if you wanted a personal appointment. The first was ‘Know yourself’. It was written large at the front entrance. No point going to see her if you didn’t know yourself. Imagine having to think about who you are when you wanted to know about your future. Lucky you don’t get asked this question when you apply for a job or a loan. So, who are you and how do you find out? You aren’t what you do. Your behaviour will give you some clues. Your values will also offer more clues. What is really important to you? If you make it to one hundred, what do you wish you had done more or less of? What are you proud of and what do you regret? I suspect you have more chance of figuring out who you really are if you get rid of some of the layers or armour plating. Stuff like how you want others to see you, your ego, your ambition…all the stuff your mind  dreams up to define you. Maybe if you shed these layers, you will discover who is really in there.

You may feel lonely if you need others to notice who you are. If you know who you are, you can be alone. You can enjoy your own company instead of trying to impress others.

The pandemic is coming to an end and your opportunity for reflection may pass when we get busy again. Use the remaining time to shed the layers and discover who you really are. Take off the armour and be you. Others may be surprised. You will be content.

This is a good time to explore what work means. If you really miss work even on weekends maybe you are using work to identify yourself.  You may struggle in this trial retirement. You may have got used to making your default position doing instead of being. Busy can become a hiding place from exploring who you are underneath the layers. The gap between your private self and the self you put out there for others is worth exploring during these quieter times. You are not your work. You exist as fully when not working as when busy at work. What you do at work doesn’t make you any more important than when you are asleep. It is an illusion that work can make you more important. The secret is not what you do but how you do it. Consider making work an expression of who you are deep down rather than a way of creating a reputation or building your image. Try working to serve others and do it with full attention and focus. Doctors are not more important than bus drivers. At the level of being we are all equal and can contribute equally. What you do doesn’t define you. How you do it does.

Try replacing ‘ I work therefore I am’ with ‘I care for others therefore I am’. If you work less or stop working, you are still the private you. Explore before you get busy again.

Are you busy? Do you ever use ‘busy’ as an excuse? Busy is close to multitasking  and well away from focus. Busy can be a barrier to reflecting and asking yourself the hard questions like ‘Do I enjoy my work’ or ‘Who am I underneath the facade of ego and being how other people expect me to be’.

Give up busy. Just do whatever you are doing as well as you can with your full attention. Even everyday activities like walking, brushing your teeth or watching what is happening around you. Make your default position ‘being aware or paying attention’ instead of thinking non stop. The quality of your thinking will improve if you do it on purpose instead of circular rumination, don’t you think?

Try spending more time in the present. If dogs could talk and you asked them, ‘what is the time?’, they would say “NOW”. Now really is the time all the time. You can’t do anything tomorrow.

So mind your busyness and stop using busy as an excuse for avoiding the present or really reflecting on the important questions like ‘ what is my purpose and what are my values?’

Then don’t. If you are waiting for anything to make you happy or content then you are living in your mind and missing what is happening at the moment. The only time you can be happy or content is in the present moment. This is as good as it gets in reality. You can spoil what is happening in the present by holding out for a better future. If you stop thinking for a moment you may find that there are few problems in the present. Most are in the past or the future and only exist in your mind. You may also find that there is a lot be thankful for and enjoy in the present. Waiting for anything is a waste of the present moment. Give up waiting. Imagine waiting until you win the lottery to enjoy yourself. There’s a lot going on around you while you are waiting. Small stuff can be really enjoyable if you look closely. I am not getting weird but trees are amazing if you look closely. Same for birds or people you pass when walking. Don’t wait for this to be over. Do everything with your full attention. You might have missed the details if you were distracted or absent minded. Think about thinking less and just being present for brief moments.