Paddy Spruce

If we were fearless we wouldn’t live long. Fear is very useful. It is warning device. It is helpful. Pay attention to it but don’t be ruled by it. For example, if you don’t speak up at a meeting because of fear, you miss an opportunity to contribute. If you don’t sell yourself at a job interview because of fear, you don’t get the job.

Imagine that the fear is not coming from you but is an outside warning like a sign beside the road. ‘Narrow bridge ahead’. You slow down but don’t stop. Same with fear of public speaking. Say ‘Thanks’ to the warning and make preparations. Plan for all situations. The what ifs.

Forget what I am going to say. ( Have a mind map with you on stage )

The computer won’t work. ( Make sure there is another computer available )

See my CEO in the front row. ( Assume they are there to support you )

If your  mind keeps sending you unhelpful thoughts, simply focus back on what you are doing at the present moment. Focus on your breathing.

The trick is to let unhelpful thoughts pass by without engagement. Focus on what you are doing and let the thoughts pass by like signs on the freeway.

Fear is good. Fearless is silly. Acknowledge the warning and prepare for any eventuality.

Feel the fear and keep on trucking.

If you bought a new puppy, say, a German Shepherd. Would you train it or leave it to do whatever it liked?

The human mind also needs training or it will do what it likes and distract you all day and night. You won’t ever do what you are doing with full focus or enjoyment if you don’t train your mind to focus and pay attention to what you are doing. Imagine drinking good coffee and thinking about a mistake you made at work.

A simple first step is to notice that your mind is wandering. Next step is to nudge it back to what you were doing before it distracted you. Try this when reading. If your mind wanders, say to yourself…thinking, thinking and get back to reading. You may need to read the section you missed again. Do the same when listening to anyone. Just gently notice and nudge.

An ability to focus has huge benefits. You are also likely to feel happier with yourself by having more control of your mind. Remember the German Shepherd? Imagine what it will become with no training.

A little practice every day makes a big difference.

Are you interested in improving your listening skills and looking after your brain?

Our minds wander but need training. A new puppy needs training or it will lead you.Your mind needs training or it will wander incessantly.

You and I may need to improve our attention. When our focus wanders, we need to nudge it back to what we are focusing on. We can do this by sharpening our intention. Why are we listening?  Are we helping this person to say what they are saying to us or are we looking for an opportunity to disagree?

The final sharpening of our intention will improve with kind intention. We listen with kind ears. This way we hear more and don’t get distracted by attributing negative motives. ” They are lying to me”. Kind listening allows us to delay judgement, listen more closely as well as keeping our mind open and our brain balanced.

Try it now. Think of a person who you don’t like much. Revisit your opinion through kind lenses. See if it calms your mind and helps you to listen better. You will benefit more than they do.

Have you ever had a conversation when time stopped? Have you ever engaged in an activity when the same thing happened? There are two sorts of time. Clock time and psychological time. Clock time is when you are very aware of the exact time on your watch. You are early or late. If running late you can get stressed. Psychological time is when you wander into the past or future and lose awareness of clock time. It can be called the zone or in flow. If you are really enjoying yourself you can suddenly be jerked into clock time. ‘OMG…look at the time’.

When speaking to a group, you need to get into the zone and away from your clock. Make sure you have some way of reminding yourself that you have a finish time. Maybe an alarm or ask someone in the audience to wave their hands when you have five minutes to go, discretely. Now that clock time is being looked after, you can focus on enjoying yourself.

Try taking your watch off when doing something you enjoy. You don’t need to be aware of the exact clock time all the time. It can be enjoyable to let time stop.

Do you know that you have a default mode network in your brain? It’s where your awareness goes to rest. Ideally, it is a calm place and you can leave it to do other brain activities. If you do a lot of thinking or worrying, this can become your default mode network and you will spend most of your time there. You have a choice. The more time you spend in the calm place, the more it becomes your resting  or default place. Just sitting quietly for brief periods will strengthen the calm default mode network. Just focusing on what you are doing also helps. If thoughts interrupt, let them pass.

Eventually, when something goes wrong you can immediately take action without the time wasted in worrying or wishing something didn’t happen.

Train your brain and strengthen your default mode network by sitting quietly before going to bed. Keep your mind free by focusing on your breathing. Let any distracting thoughts drift by like clouds. Just keep coming back to your breathing.

The benefits are huge but you need to practise daily.

Allostatic load is the wear and tear on our body caused by stress and worry. We can get stressed by dealing with actual events. We can also get stressed by imaginary events. Our body reacts the same to real or imagined events. Mark Twain wrote that we all have tragedies in our lives…some of which actually happen.

Managing your thoughts will lessen the wear and tear of imagined events. A good practice is to treat your thoughts as thoughts. Say to yourself ‘ I am having the thoughts that I can’t deal with this much pressure’. Decide what is real and what is imagined and treat them differently. If you focus on the present you won’t have to worry about an uncertain future. The present is certain. You can regret the past but not the present.