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Have you ever called yourself ‘stupid’ or worse?

Your language is an indication of how you think. It indicates the software that is working in your brain even as you sleep. Imagine having some software that criticises you inside your own brain. Time for Norton’s!

Albert Ellis wrote about the alphabet. Actually, he wrote about a simple way of looking at the way you and I sabotage ourselves. His alphabet goes like this...

A= adversity. Something goes wrong. We make a mistake. C= we feel bad, guilty, foolish.

Many people believe that the mistake makes us feel foolish. In fact, B is the problem.

B= our beliefs. “I shouldn’t make mistakes”.

We feel foolish because of our B – our beliefs, not the act or the adversity. If the adversity caused the bad feelings then everyone would react the same way. Clearly, some people don’t feel foolish in an identical situation.

Here’s his alphabet again.

A= adversity. Something goes wrong. We lose our keys. B= belief. Things shouldn’t go wrong. I am stupid for losing my keys. C= I feel foolish, embarrassed, incompetent.

Now for D.

D = dispute. Lots of people lose their keys. There is nothing silly about losing keys. It is certainly not worth getting stressed over. Get some more keys or get a taxi. I occasionally forget things – everyone does. I don’t have brain damage. I have a fine brain.

One evening, I returned to a city car park to pick up my car after speaking at a corporate function. I had been speaking about optimism and motivation so I was in the right frame of mind to find the car park securely locked. No ‘phone number. No attendant. No way to get in. I could have beaten myself up. Instead I considered my options. A taxi or the train? I hadn’t been on the train for a while so I took the train home at 10pm. I quietly enjoyed the novelty of taking the train as I could read all the way home.

Stuff happens to everyone. If you learn to think more optimistically and dispute your negative thinking you will be less affected and may even see a positive side to serious stuff. The customer gets upset – feel sympathetic, as it must be awful to get upset so easily. The clients decided not to buy from you – their loss. You can sell the same product to someone else. You get ill – time to rest and catch up on your reading.

Remember the song in “Annie”. “The sun will come out tomorrow...” It will. You control your thinking. If you catch yourself thinking negatively, just tell yourself to ‘STOP!” and force yourself to consider a positive consequence. It won’t take you long to think more positively. I personally don’t believe that I can get the flu. Haven’t had it. Don’t want it. Can’t get it.

Try working on your belief system. Make it more positive. The benefits are wonderful. More resistance to pessimism. Maybe even view adversity as an opportunity to learn. It is difficult to be a pessimist in Australia. This is God’s own country. We can make it even better by deliberately teaching ourselves to see the positive side. Pessimism is more in touch with reality. We could die today. Just imagine how bad you will feel if you are in touch with reality all day. Better you believe that you will live and that you have so much more living to do. So much that you could do for yourself and others. Optimists rule, eh?

If you are looking for a speaker to brighten up your conference, sales meeting or team seminar or if you want to teach your staff to think and behave more positively, call Paddy on 03 9808 8990.

Other topics include...

• How to make an excellent first impression
• How to give and receive win win feedback
• The art of influence
• How to present yourself and your ideas with impact
• Hone your funny bone – laughter and fun at work
• How to inspire yourself and others
• How to run a decent meeting
• How to get the most out of teams

Paddy Spruce CSP Tel: 03 9808 8990 Email: paddy@paddyspruce.com.au www.paddyspruce.com.au